Frequently Asked Questions:

What is Tantra?

Questions about the Workshops

Questions about theTantra Coaching Sessions

answered by Niyaso

What is Tantra?

By Niyaso Carter

I often get asked: What is Tantra and what is tantric sex,
The term Tantra has become popular lately, but few people really know what it means.

Since the famous singer Sting appeared on the television show Oprah and declared that learning tantric sex has enabled him to make love for hours and hours without stopping, lots of people are curious about tantric sex. And yes, prolonged delicious lovemaking sessions are definitely part of Tantra, but it's not about how long you can do it, it's about the quality of connection, the love and opening that the exchange creates, the melting with each other and the universe.

My one line answer to the question is this: Tantric Sex is sex imbued with love that allows us to merge with the divine.
But let me give you a slightly longer explanation as well:
Tantra was a religious sect in ancient India. Buddhists, Hindus and people from various other religions were associated with Tantric sects. What made Tantra different from other religious groups is that the tantrikas, the followers of Tantra, believed that personal fulfillment and union with God, came through living, accepting, and gaining a deep understanding of all of life's energies and experiences.

They taught that there's nothing in life that one needs to turn away from to be spiritual. They affirmed that one can reach wholeness or enlightenment through full engagement of the senses and a deep open hearted embrace of all physical experience. Birth, death, sex, creation, destruction, --no part of the human experience was excluded. Sexuality was honored as a potent form of life force energy that could be used for spiritual advancement.

However, these tantrikas were not hedonists, or self indulgent -- far from it. Many of their sexual practices involved much discipline, patience and diligence. Tantric masters taught their students how to use sexual energy and sexual expression consciously, with great awareness, as an opener to love, to life, to God, and all existence.

To this day there are temples in India that have on their exterior walls sculpted images of couples in various sexual acts. Those are the remnants of Tantra. The religion as such has become nearly invisible in the public eye. and today in the west it is often misunderstood.
I personally have an affinity to Tantra because during my years of study and practice in India, my spiritual teacher and guide lectured about Tantra continously and he instructed us in the Tantric principles of life with great enthusiasm and skill.

Taoism, which also contains many practices involving sexual energy is a ancient healing system with beliefs and practices similar to Tantra. Taoism has its origin in China, and is especially known for it's practices that promote health and longevity by guiding sexual energy in specific ways.

Sometimes from the questions I'm asked I get the impression that people think that Tantra and Taoism teach some sort of high tech version of sex. But really the teachings of Tantra and Taoism simply offer practices to refine the natural senses, to come closer to nature. Just like the shamans and kahunas of old, to access the spirit world, practiced tuning into nature more diligently then the average tribes member, so Tantra and sacred sex require a similar deep attunement from the student. Yet even if you're not about to become a devoted Tantra student, learning some basics can take you a long way.

The teachings of Tantra and Taoism offer the possibility of loving sex in a deeply intimate relationship that gets increasingly better and more satisfying as the years go by. Yes, this indeed exists, I know many long term couples who can attest to that, but the sweetest story comes from my best friend's mother, a conservative, church-going German house wife. At 68 years old she had been married to the same man for 45 years and he was the only man ever in her life. Knowing what work I do she one day in very hushed tones confided in me. She said: ”I'm so surprised I can hardly believe it, but now that we're retired and we have time and leisure to be together, sex just keeps getting better and better.”
And, Tantra is not just for people in relationship, there is many solo practices and exercises a single person can do to prepare themsleves for their next partner and to become a more fulfilled, happy person.
Ultimately the practices and teachings of Tantra and Taosim help us discover, that we don't need anyone or anything external to live in love, with vitality, serenity, and joy.

At the same time, if you want to make your sex life sacred, learning about Tantra can be very helpful, meaningful and oh so pleasurable. Click here to find out about different ways you can learn Tantra and Sacred Lovemaking.

Questions about the Workshops

Question: What will I learn in your workshop?

Answer: We will be addressing all the different areas that make up sacred intimacy: physical opening, cultivating energetic awareness, emotional opening and learning how to bring love, spirituality and sexuality together. The learning will happen on many different levels and touch many different topics.

Question: I really need to learn some things in the area of intimate relating and sexuality and your workshop sounds really great, but I'm a little nervous about coming. I can be quite shy with people when I first meet them and can feel awkward. It can take me time to settle down and be comfortable in an unfamiliar group. I am concerned that I may get to the workshop and find that it goes too deeply too quickly for me.

Answer: We take great care not only to respect everyone's needs and boundaries, but we take it even further, we support each participant to discover their needs, wishes and boundaries and to honor them. We honor your pace and timing and there is absolutely no pressure as to how you should be participating. The workshop goes deep, but not in the way you are fearing. The depth comes from the permission that every one has to be themselves and to not have to fit themselves in to any particular activity. In fact one of the things people find most impressive about our programs is how much permission they feel to discover and live according to their innermost needs and integrity. They notice how many varied ways there are to participate in our program and yet how deep, powerful and focused the work and is, and how effective the learning.

Question: What happens in a workshop?

Answer: The workshop is a playful blend of gentle movement exercises, Taoist energetic exercises, carefully designed touching exercises, communication exercises, short lectures, sharing circles and much more. The workshop is designed and sequenced to facilitate learning and deep transformation on many levels, while also being relaxing, fun, nurturing, informative and easy to do for everyone.

Question: I am interested in your workshop and I am single. Is your workshop geared more towards couples?

Answer: This workshop is designed for singles as well as couples and is equally valuable for both. We have found that having a workshop that is available for singles and couples makes for the richest learning experience. We have offered workshops in this format for many years now, and create them in such a way that they are completely comfortable, safe and effective for both, couples and singles. Sometimes we get just one person out of a couple coming to learn things to bring back home to their relationship, that works too. Since we place so much emphasis on recognizing and learning about boundaries, every participant has lots of choice how to participate or not to participate in any given part of the workshop.

Happiness and fulfillment in intimate loving is found when we learn once again to love all of our being, regardless of what has caused ourselves to distrust ourselves and others. This self love is what allows us to be in touch with our sensual, sexual and loving nature. Learning about our boundaries, needs and desires is important whether we are in relationship or not. The workshop setting is of course a different experience for a couple versus a single person. We address the different ways of being in the workshop carefully. When we honor our boundaries we feel safe and so can be fully alive and directly experience the sacred and divine aspects of our existence. That is what our workshops are about, and it is for everybody, whether single or in relationship. It is a total experiential education in sexuality and intimate loving.

Question: Are these workshops designed with an emphasis on touching ourselves and our partners? Does it involve intimate touching of people other than our partners? I am mostly interested in a workshop that works on my inner sense of love, joy and happiness and expanding that to my partner.

Answer: Most couples that come to our workshops are there to be with and learn exlusively with each other and they do all the exercises together. Some couples may choose to do some of the less intimate exercises with others. Some may want to explore freely. Certainly touching people other than your partner is not at all necessary to get the benefits of this workshop. In fact, what you describe that you are looking for in your question is really what the workshop is meant to accomplish. I honor committed relationships as the best way to learn about loving and deepening one's ability to love.

Among many other parts, touching exercises do play an important part in the workshop. In this workshop, you receive guidance and support while meetings with others, or just one other if you are attending with a partner, you learn to connect more from your truth and to remain alive in your playfulness, your passion, and your desire, as well as your fears, instead of cutting off and isolating yourself. You also learn to enjoy your desire for intimate contact, to honor your personal boundaries and to communicate both.

Question: I am hoping that this workshops will help me to improve my self knowledge and increase my personal strength, while reducing my dependency in intimate relationships. I have very recently ended a relationship and feel that the above issues are a large part of that. Do you think it is too soon after my break up to come to your workshop?

Answer: It actually sounds like it may be a good time for you to attend our workshop because you are in the process of really looking at yourself in the area of relationship and what might have been your part in why it didn't work. Our workshop very much supports this kind of self inquiry in regards to intimate relating. The nature of the work and the space that is created invariably assists people in finding themselves more deeply.

Question: I need to make some improvement in my relationship but my partner is not willing to come to the workshop. Is it appropriate to come alone?

Answer: Yes, in fact lots of times only one partner in a couple attends a workshop. They then take home to their partner the tools learned in the workshop and all the insights they had. Participation in our seminar will not compromise the sanctity of your relationship.

Question: For singles, how does the pairing up happen in your workshops?

Answer: As already said earlier there is always lots of options as to how to do each exercise. If an exercise involves pairing up with someone, we will usually describe the exercise and it's purpose beforehand. If the participant chooses to experience the exercise, they can choose a partner or say yes or no to someone that would choose them. On occasion we will make a suggestion also, as to who someone might pick. We spend considerable time here also talking about boundaries and honoring one's own needs and desires. There is nothing haphazard about how we support people in approaching this pairing up process. Many times this process in and of itself becomes a constructive learning and healing hexperience.No part of the workshops is mandatory so the choice to sit out for an exercies is always an option as well.

Question: We already have your video and liked it very much. We are interested in your workshops and would like more details. Do they involve practicing the techniques shown in the video?

Answer: Some of the exercises in the video are taught in the workshops but the workshop space is also very different and covers much more. In the workshops we have individuals participating as well as couples, so there is a wide range of how people choose to use the invitations we offer. Some of what you saw on the video is practiced and many new exercises are introduced. All can be done at different levels of participation. Our focus in the workshop is not on teaching techniques but rather on providing experiences for people that teach them how to be more fully alive and in love within themselves and with their partner. In our workshops you learn meditations, energy processes and communication tools that keep you profoundly connected with yourself as you engage in intimate encounters. These encounters are sometimes more, sometimes less sensual and erotic. You learn how to move through old barriers that have prevented or sabotaged your intimate connections and love relationships.

Question: I am wondering if there is nudity in your workshop? I am also concerned about the possibility of being put in a situation that may be construed as voyeuristic?

Answer: There is no requirement for nudity at any point during our workshop, however, we do have a clothing optional policy in the workshops that are longer then a weekend. How much clothes you wear or how few is a very personal choice and it is important for each individual to honor what is right for them. In the workshop we encourage people to respect their personal preferences in this matter and in all other matters. No nudity is required to receive the full benefit of the workshop.
Voyeurism has never been an issue at any of our workshops. Our programs are far too authentic , as well as emotionally and physically engaging as to attract or sustain voyeuristic behaviors.

Question: I have sexual abuse issues. Is this the right workshop for me?

Answer: It depends where you are in your journey of healing. Most likely, if you are at the stage of being able to speak about your issues and know them a little bit, which obviously you are, you are at a stage where the workshop can be a fabulous way for you to heal more and regain some long lost joy. It is totally understandable that you may be scared and apprehensive about joining. I have worked with these issues a lot and understand the dynamic of fear coupled with a longing for healing and I always take extra care with the more delicate people in the workshop. You can always call and give us your specific situation and we'll let you know whether we think the workshop is appropriate or not.

Question: What do you hope for people to experience or learn when coming to your workshop?

Answer: There are a million ways to answer this question. But I'll keep it simple. We do everything we can to give people a fun, playful, uplifting,and deeply nurturing experience that is at the same time a great learning and deeply transformative.We've been teaching these workshops for a long time now, so we're pretty good at it. People go back home with lots of new tools and insights as well as a deeper sense of self love that will make their life and their love lives much better and richer.

For further articles and writing by Niyaso please go to her articles page

Questions about Tantra Coaching Sessions

Will be posted soon, see testimonials page for what people are saying